happy birthday, winnie.

Sweet Winnie.

It’s your first birthday.  I can’t even believe it.

This year has been different than last year in many, many ways.  I’ve had to remind myself that it is okay that I’ve had trouble remembering you without the pain associated in losing you.  I’ve had to remind myself that I don’t owe it to anyone to share my heart, and it’s okay to keep a lot of it private.  It’s okay to feel the need to protect you by keeping you to ourselves a bit more than Clive.  Our grief is different because you aren’t him—you’re you—and that’s perfectly okay. 

I’ve had to remind myself that I’ll have my whole life to remember and celebrate you, and grieve you, and that it’s okay that I could hardly do that this year. 

This year we survived, and that was enough. 

Today we'll make a little pink cake, go for a hike, pick some wildflowers,  and buy a 1st birthday balloon.  We'll look at pictures and watch some videos and remember.  

I love you and miss you, sweet wildflower. 

You are precious to me, forever and ever. 

I’m grateful that I’m your mom. 

Happy Birthday, Winona Joy.